Starbucks and Skittles

It was pointed out to me this morning that I hadn't blogged in awhile. In my defense this has been the most chaotic, messed-up couple of months I've ever had... That being said, I didn't realize it had been the better part of 3 months...

I'm 3 weeks away from Christmas break (yay!), am I wishing it started tomorrow?? yes... haha I know life isn't fair, but lately I've been having a LOT of 'why me?' moments. If anyone ever tries to tell you that the Entrpreneurship Practicum at Red River is fun, you have my permission to stick your finger in their face and call them a liar! I've heard the horror stories for years, but now I have a horror story all my own. I won't regale you with all the messy details, but suffice it to say being a manager of someone who does not want to be managed is no easy task, and it certainly isn't my idea of a good time. I know I'm growing, I know I'll be better for it, and I know that in the end it will make me stronger (because apparently it's not going to kill me) - but I do find myself wondering DAILY if it's all worth it. My group - 5 hard working, A student females and 1 lazy a$$, D student male. Hurdle numero uno. I'm all for giving everyone a chance, and I much prefer being a "hands off" manager (I'm assuming at this point in your life you don't require and don't like to be micro-managed). I'm LEARNING that not everyone deserves or can handle the privilage. Everyone had their designated portion of the report to research and write, the girls had no problems with this - notice I said the girls... I gave suggestions, I requested revisions, I gave blatant direction for the removal of inaccurate assumptions about the local economy. For one month. To no avail. Again, I won't bore you with the aggravating details, but in the end it all blew up. I had been lied to by the team member, I'd had my time and the time of the team and the instructor wasted, and the final product that was handed in to me - can you guess????? .... .... .... plagiarized. If your jaw is currently on your desktop you can likely imagine how frustrated, angry, shocked, and speechless I was. Well, ok, what was coming out of my mouth wasn't pretty - when I stopped the birage of angry, 'blue streak' type words I was left speechless... After dealing with all this I got my Cost Accounting test back - I got a 60%. Go figure - I guess when you're dealing with other people's unfortunate crap you don't get much of your own studying done... Our presentation for Entrepreneurship is the 3rd. I can hardly wait til it's over. In January I have a bigger EP group, so I can distance myself from this issue. I'm so looking forward to it! I digress. It's really not worth spending any more time talking about - cuz I REALLY have nothing good to say about it!! lol... Except my girls are great and without them I don't know if I'd be holding it together or not! So THANKS LADIES!

As for the rest of life. Exams are looming large - I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. I'm not prepared. I have 10 days. I'm clearly not managing my stress well - I came to this conclusion this morning when I burst into tears in the middle of Praise & Worship practice. Thanks to my new mascara it was pretty hard to hide - stupid stuff ran all over the place... I managed to psych myself up to get through worship this morning, but I'm toast. I'm exhausted, I feel like I have nothing left to give, it seems like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, and I'm fighting the urge to not care anymore. School, and specifically doing well at school, is so important to me and I've worked so hard that this whole group issue thing has really hit me hard. It's been a real struggle to work with someone who really doesn't give a rip about what they're doing, and is detrimental to a group who's trying so hard and working to their potential. It's really rocked me to the core and left me emotionally drained.

It's not ALL bad! I've got a pretty awesome family who's been here through it all. Listened to me complain, been with me when I've cried, and rejoiced with me when I've had a break-through. We spent the weekend Christmas shopping and got the tree set up, and next weekend we'll be celebrating my birthday at Palatal (stir-fry is one of my FAVOURITE foods!). Today Mom bought me the perfume I've been in love with and desperately wanting for months but just couldn't afford to buy (you know the stuff that's $100/bottle but so amazing you can't forget about it??) I cried. It's just been one of those days where my emotions are so raw that there's no point in trying to keep them under wraps... Then we went to BulkBarn and got skittles (my dog thinks I'm the best - I pulled them out of the bag and he actually started licking the bag - it was cute and gross all at the same time... he'll do anything for a skittle). One last stop at Starbucks on the way home to get my Peppermint Mocha Latte and I'm pretty much set for a good, relaxing, wonderful evening.

So as much as this week has taken everything out of me that there was to take - and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow being Monday... I'm sitting here in the Lazee-Boy with my Peppermint Mocha Latte by the lights of the Christmas tree, and I'm just taking a few minutes for me. To relax, to remind myself who I am and that I'm going to be fine. I'm going to do well on my exams, it may take more work than it would have if I'd had time to concentrate on my studies all along, but I'm ok. I'm going to work my a$$ off for the next 3 weeks and I'm not going to let anyone drag me down. There may be tears, but that's fine - I cry because I care not because I'm weak - and that's ok.

So I don't promise I'll be blogging before the 19th, but I hope this has given you a little glimpse into my last couple of months. If you think of me - shoot up a prayer on my behalf. I sure could use it ;) Things are looking up but there are more hurdles before it's over. I can't wait til the 19th when I can KNIT AGAIN! and start decorating gingerbread houses! and all the other fun stuff I so desperately want to do but don't have the time yet.

Merry Christmas to you! Enjoy the season - it's so short, and it seems that before we know it it's been and gone!
Love you all and thanks for reading - I appreciate it ;)